For example, did you know that the first true map of the clit wasn’t created until 2005? Yeah! Grey’s Anatomy omitted the clit because Freud thought clitoral orgasms were “immature.” Beyond anatomy, Principles of Pleasure clarified the difference between genital response and pleasure. Because our minds are the center of pleasure, our experience of it is totally independent of what is happening in or to our bodies. Our genitals may not know all the warning, stop and go signals happening in the brain, which is more of a reason to understand and adhere to enthusiastic consent. Just because my vulva is wet doesn’t mean my brain is ready to go. None of this surprises me, but I guess I can’t point to a particular time and place where I explicitly learned this.īefore I started dating my first girlfriend, I could’ve seriously benefited from Principles of Pleasure. I admit, before I met her, I thought my whole package was called a vagina and that masturbation was only for dudes (I was 23!). Over the course of our relationship, she offered me all of the sex education I wish I had.
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Something so beautiful about the queer dating community (for millennials and older) is that we’ve passed education through friends and partners since how-to books, Netflix series and TikTok weren’t really at our disposal.
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This ex taught me the basics of lesbian sex, how to appropriately consent, where to watch feminist porn and even about Autostraddle! As I was watching the orgasm gap infographics flash along the screen #BLACK GAY CUM FACIAL TUMBLR SERIES# As folks of different identities, sexualities, races, ethnicities, and body sizes spoke about their first memories (or lack thereof) of sex education and pleasure, it sparked a question in me: What is my pleasure origin story? (95% of straight men have had an orgasm, 86% of lesbians, 66% of straight women), I was suddenly extremely grateful that this was merely a reminder for me. I traced a map of my initial responses, only to realize that most of these are inherently sexual or about sex.Ģ. Care and Keeping of You (you know, that American Girl book)ģ.
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My “LGBTQ+ Literature and Culture” professorġ0.
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Sitting on my purple couch, eating popcorn and googling the Come As You Are podcast, I thought about what this origin story means for me.